Beat Social Anxiety – How to Stop Constant Daydreaming and Thinking


CLICK HERE to Find Out How to Overcome Your Social Phobia

Do You Daydream, Think A Lot, and Live Inside Your Head?

Do you often wander off into your own thoughts?

Do you daydream and “zone out” many times a day?

Do you always talk to yourself in your head almost to the point that you are living inside your head instead of out in the real world?

If so, then you’re not alone. I used to be a huge daydreamer. I would always be thinking about things and fantasizing about things happening. Whether I was by myself or with other people.

I was always lost inside my own thoughts and payed little attention to the outside world. And I didn’t even realize how often I was doing it until one day, in high school, someone mentioned that I was a daydreamer.

At that point I started to become aware of how often I was caught up in my own thoughts, getting lost in my own inner world. I was always absent from the real world because I was thinking to myself constantly.

It almost felt like I was cut off from the world, just looking into it but not interacting with it. I felt trapped. It was very difficult to socialize with other people because I was never “there.”

It would be many years after this realization that I would learn that many people with shyness and social anxiety suffer from the same dilemma. Constantly caught up in their thoughts, daydreaming, being absent mentally from the people around them and the outer world.

If this describes you, then this post is going to change the way you live.

Why Are You Constantly Thinking and Daydreaming?

Why is it that people with shyness and social anxiety daydream so much? Why is it such a common problem for them compared to “regular” people?

My guess is that it’s a form of partial avoidance. To understand what partial avoidance is, you first have to know what avoidance is.

Avoidance is when someone who has social anxiety avoids the situations that make them feel anxious. They may avoid doing speeches in school. They may see someone they know walking towards them down the street and quickly try to find ways to avoid them. They may even get to the point of staying inside their house all day. These are all examples of avoidance. You avoid the people, places, and situations that make you feel anxious.

So now what does partial avoidance mean? Partial avoidance is a little more subtle than regular avoidance.

Partial avoidance means that you avoid situations mentally instead of physically. Instead of avoiding the situation by not going into it physically, you avoid it with your mind. You are distancing yourself from the anxiety-provoking situation you are in through using distractions, daydreaming, and so on.

Partial avoidance is usually mental avoidance of the thing you fear. In the case of social anxiety, that probably means being around people.

Basically, if you feel anxious just being around people, then your mind may start to daydream and get lost in thought so you don’t have to “face” the situation fully. It’s a way of lessening the unpleasant feeling of anxiety.

Escaping a Painful Reality

Another possible reason why people with shyness or social anxiety daydream a lot is to escape their current situation. If you are shy, if you don’t have a lot of friends, if you don’t really like yourself, then you may try to escape from that reality.

You may begin to use your thoughts to live a life that your shyness or social anxiety holds you back from.

If you’re too nervous to ask out a girl you like, then you may fantasize about going out with her in your head. If you are too shy to speak up, then you may imagine yourself doing it. If you aren’t assertive enough to do something you want to do, or be the person you want to be, then you may live these things out in your head instead.

All of these examples illustrate one fundamental thing: using your thoughts to escape reality. You create a new reality in your head that is much closer to the one you’d like to be in. It’s the reality that would exist if you didn’t have the social fear or excessive social inhibition holding you back.

In a nutshell, your shyness or social anxiety stop you from living the life you want, which causes you to get stuck in your head, which just makes it harder to overcome your shyness or anxiety. It’s a vicious cycle.

To learn how to stop constant daydreaming and thinking, watch this video –

Maladaptive Daydreaming & Extreme Fantasizing | How to Control It

Learning How to Become Present

Now that you know a couple possible reasons why you daydream and live in your head, the question is: how can you fix it? How do you stop being absent to the world? How do you stop escaping it through excessive thoughts and daydreaming?

It took me a long time to figure out the answer to these questions, but I finally found it. And I found it in the unlikeliest of places.

A couple years ago, a friend recommended to me a book called “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. It’s a book that explains the basics of meditation and how to be present to the moment. Since I like to read a lot, I decided to give it a shot.

The book rocked my world. No kidding.

This was the book that helped me stop constant daydreaming and thinking. I was finally able to stop the inner mental noise and be “present” to the world instead of lost in my own thoughts.

Essentially, the book teaches you how to quiet your thoughts so that you are able to live more in the present moment. It does this through several different mental exercises that you need to do regularly. The exercises are closely related to meditation.

If you have problems daydreaming and thinking too much, then this book gets my highest recommendation. You can purchase it at Amazon or most local bookstores.

Of course, if you don’t want to read a whole book just to learn how to become present, then there is another option for you…

In my e-book, I wrote a chapter called “Mindfulness and Being Present.” In this chapter, I took the most important techniques and tools from “The Power of Now,” as well as other books and my own personal experience. I then combined and summarized them in a way that someone with social anxiety can quickly learn how to stop daydreaming and thinking too much.

So if you want to “get straight to the goods,” so to speak, without having to read a whole book, then you can download my e-book here.

Whichever option you choose, don’t let this opportunity pass you by. If you’ve read this far, then you have probably had this problem for years, if not forever. Use this post as a wake-up call. You can do something about it. Don’t wait to live.

 By Sean W Cooper, the author of The Shyness and Social Anxiety System, is an ex-sufferer from social anxiety and shyness. This program is a compilation of his research and effort in overcoming shyness and anxiety.

Sean W Cooper’s Shyness and Anxiety system is a step by step audio course broken down into modules that are easy to access. It teaches you ways to start overcoming your social anxiety and self-doubt. The system utilises cognitive behavioural therapy which explores how feelings and thoughts can drive behaviour. 

The Shyness and Social Anxiety system is endorsed by professionals and praised by psychologists due to the way it provides the relevant skills to manage issues of shyness and social anxiety.

To find out more, click on How to Stop Constant Daydreaming and Thinking?

Dealing with Difficult People When You Have Social Anxiety


CLICK HERE to Find Out How to Overcome Your Social Phobia

Do you ever get very nervous and anxious when you have to talk to a difficult person?

What do I mean by “difficult person”? I mean someone who gets upset or angry easily. Someone who is negative, critical, and controlling.

When you have social anxiety, it can be very stressful to talk to these types of people.

Why is it particularly difficult to talk to them if you have social anxiety? It’s because social anxiety basically boils down to a fear of disapproval. This means that you’re going to feel the most anxious around people who are most likely to suddenly and severely disapprove of you.

And the bad thing is, these difficult people are everywhere. They could be one of your parents, grandparents, siblings, co-workers, boss, and so on. You may be forced to deal with one or more of them every day.

This post will show you the way to lower the amount of anxiety and stress you feel when around them.

Certain People May Trigger Social Anxiety in Early Childhood

As a side tangent, difficult people may also have played a part in forming your social anxiety. If one of your parents or relatives was one of these “difficult” people while you were growing up, they could have originally set off your social anxiety. Being around a certain type of adult in childhood often causes social anxiety to begin.

I still remember the day I found out about this. I was reading a book about the causes of shyness when I ran across this quote:

People with shyness usually behave as if there is someone around them who is negative, critical, and controlling.”

When I read this, I had a huge realization as to the cause of my own social anxiety.

And maybe this will shed some light onto your own past. Think about it: was there anyone in your early childhood who was negative, critical, and controlling? If there was, then they’re the ones who may have originally “triggered” your social anxiety and fear of disapproval.

Of course, it’s too late to go back now and stop your social anxiety from beginning. All you can do now is accept your social anxiety or shyness now that you have it and be proactive about overcoming it.

You Feel More Anxious Around “Difficult” People

If there is someone in your life who is very negative, critical, and controlling, and who disapproves of you often for little reason, then you will feel a lot more anxious around them.

Why?

It’s because the amount of anxiety you feel is directly related to how likely you think disapproval will happen. In other words, you’re going to feel the most anxiety around those people who are most likely to disapprove of you.

Re-read that last paragraph a few times. It’s VERY important.

Isn’t it true? You feel most anxious around people who often disapprove of you? And around them you may also have symptoms such as:

  • Faster heart rate and breathing
  • Paling or flushing
  • Dryness of mouth
  • Shaking

All of these are symptoms of the fight-or-flight reaction which I’ve written about before. When you feel anxious around difficult people, then you’re sometimes also going to feel these symptoms.

How to Deal with It

Alright, so now that you have some background knowledge of how difficult people affect your shyness or social anxiety, now the question is: what can you do about it?

The good news is you CAN get rid of your anxiety around difficult people. The bad news is, there’s no instant cure.

Just like any part of social anxiety, you have to desensitize yourself over time and gain exposure to the thing which makes you feel anxiety. In this case, that means not avoiding the difficult person.

Of course, exposure by itself is not enough. You probably know that by now. Plenty of people go to or work or schools for years and never get rid of their social anxiety. So if all you do is exposure, then your anxiety probably won’t go away.

To get rid of anxiety, you have to combine the exposure with:

Relaxation coping techniques – Be very relaxed and breathe deeply through your belly.

And changing the way your mind works. (In psychology, this is called “cognitive restructuring.”)

The last point is probably the most important. Changing the way your mind works is the step that permanently removes the anxiety from your brain. The question is, how can you change the way your mind works? The best place to learn is through my e-book.

I dedicate over half of the pages in my e-book to a section called “Changing The Way You Think” which shows you how to do exactly that.

The section in my e-book is a comprehensive summary of all of the techniques and knowledge I’ve learned and developed myself for overcoming my own social anxiety and helping many, many others do the same.

I truly believe that no other book out there can compare when it comes to changing yourself and your inner thought processes from someone with shyness or social anxiety to someone who is confident and self-assured.

For more ideas on how to deal with difficult people if you have social anxiety, watch the 3 videos below –

How to Deal with Difficult People | Jay Johnson | TEDxLivoniaCCLibrary

5 Ways to Disarm Toxic People

15 Ways Intelligent People Deal With Difficult and Toxic People

If you want to learn more, check it out here.

By Sean W Cooper, the author of The Shyness and Social Anxiety System, is an ex-sufferer from social anxiety and shyness. This program is a compilation of his research and effort in overcoming shyness and anxiety.

Sean W Cooper’s Shyness and Anxiety system is a step by step audio course broken down into modules that are easy to access. It teaches you ways to start overcoming your social anxiety and self-doubt. The system utilises cognitive behavioural therapy which explores how feelings and thoughts can drive behaviour. 

The Shyness and Social Anxiety system is endorsed by professionals and praised by psychologists due to the way it provides the relevant skills to manage issues of shyness and social anxiety.

To find out more, click on How to Deal with Difficult People If You Have Social Anxiety?

What is the Best Way to Stop the Progression of Type 2 Diabetes Symptoms?


Click HERE to Discover the 3 Easy Steps to Beat Type 2 Diabetes in 28 Days or Less

Stop the Progression of Type 2 Diabetes Symptoms – This Spice Defeats Diabetes

Once type 2 diabetes starts raising its ugly head, a vicious downward slide begins.

Traditionally, the only way to slow it down has been using strict diet changes, exercise, and losing weight. And often, even that’s not enough.

But a study published in the latest Journal of the Endocrine Society reveals a common spice that can put type 2 diabetes progression to a quick stop.

What’s more, this spice is dirt cheap and can be found in all supermarkets.

Prediabetes involves many of the same symptoms that diabetes does, including high blood glucose and glucose tolerance. But it is not as out-of-control and is still easier to treat than diabetes. For this reason, it is important to find ways to prevent prediabetes from progressing to diabetes.

To confirm or possibly disprove the findings of previous studies, researchers decided to test the effectiveness of cinnamon on prediabetes sufferers. They recruited 39 participants from the Kyung Hee University Medical Center in Seoul and another 12 from the Joslin Diabetes Center in Boston, Massachusetts.

All of the participants were adults with high fasting glucose, defined as between 100 and 125 mg/dL, and impaired glucose tolerance, defined as a 2-hour plasma glucose level of 140-199 mg/dL.

The subjects were divided into two groups: one that received a 500 mg capsule of cinnamon powder three times a day, and one that received a placebo consisting of a capsule with cellulose and cinnamon coloring and flavor.

The subjects took the capsules for 12 weeks and their prediabetes parameters were tested at the beginning of the study and again after six and 12 weeks.

Over the 12 weeks, fasting glucose increased by approximately five mg/dL in the placebo group but remained constant in the cinnamon treatment group.

Compared with the placebo group, the cinnamon group also displayed a smaller area under the curve for plasma glucose following the two-hour oral glucose tolerance test: 19,946 compared with 21,389 mg/dL, to be precise.

Regarding glucose tolerance, the cinnamon also did a good job. Two hours after the oral glucose tolerance test, the cinnamon group had blood glucose levels between 20 and 27 mg/dL lower than those of the placebo group, showing that glucose cleared better and faster from their blood because of the cinnamon.

There were no significant differences between the two groups after six weeks, suggesting that the effects of cinnamon probably only last while taking the supplement.

It is a pity the study did not continue for longer to see whether the benefits of the cinnamon supplements increased even further after 12 weeks of use.

But cinnamon is only one piece of the puzzle. To completely reverse type 2 diabetes, you must follow the three steps explained here…

Stop the Progression of Type 2 Diabetes Symptoms – The Easiest Way to Improve Type 2 Diabetes

If you’re suffering Type 2 Diabetes or pre-diabetes, then for sure your doctor has told you to exercise.

Well, that may not be the right advice if researchers from Maastricht University Medical Centre are right. They published their findings in the December 2017 edition of the journal Diabetologia.

Yes, you must move, but in a very specific way.

Some medical specialists believe diseases result from a lack of vigorous exercise, while others believe diseases stem from too much sedentary time.

If the latter is the case, medical authorities can prescribe regular walking, instead of a heavy exercise routine to stay healthy.

The Dutch researchers recruited 19 patients with type 2 diabetes, gave them all the same diet, and assigned them to one of three groups:

1. A sitting group that sat for 14 hours, stood up for one hour, and leisurely walked around for one hour per day (4,415 steps.)

2. An exercise group that leisurely walked 4,823 steps, moderately to vigorously cycled 1.1 hours, and sat for the rest of the day (also approximately 14 hours.)

3. A sit less group that stood up for three hours and walked leisurely for two hours (17,502 steps) by breaking up their sitting bouts every 30 minutes.

The exercise and sit less programs were designed to burn the same number of calories.

After four days of this, the groups swapped, until all three groups had done all three programs.

While both the exercise and sit less programs reduced their average glucose levels over a 24-hour period, the sit less program was more effective at countering their resistance to insulin.

As such, the sit less program may even be better than the exercise program.

But if you want to completely reverse your type 2 diabetes, you need to take a little more drastic action and use the 3-steps here. Thousands of diabetes sufferers have succeeded with this…

Stop the Progression of Type 2 Diabetes Symptoms – These Berries Reverse Type 2 Diabetes

The berries in the study I’ll be telling you about today are so powerful that in the highest intake they were proven as effective as common type 2 diabetes drugs.

And that is without causing any side effects.

What’s more, the study subjects taking these berries gained no weight – even those who consumed quite an unhealthy diet.

The catch is, however, that the berries need to be prepared in a very specific way.

Researchers have long known that specific nutrients in berries, named anthocyanins, have a beneficial effect on people with type 2 diabetes. That is why the American Association of Diabetes recommends that diabetics eat large amounts of berries.

In the last few years, medical scientists also realized that they could increase the concentration of anthocyanins in berries by fermenting them.

Based on this discovery, academics at the University of Illinois started wondering whether an alcohol-free berry wine would be an even better natural dietary addition for diabetics than normal berries. They used an alcohol-free beverage because alcohol is sugar-rich and may increase, instead of reduce blood sugar.

They first gave mice a high-fat and high-sugar diet for a couple of weeks to induce type 2 diabetes.

They then made a fermented berry drink with 70 percent of blackberries and 30 percent of blueberries by first fermenting the berries in low temperatures, and then replacing the alcohol with water.

They divided the diabetic mice into five groups:

– The first received pure water to drink
– The second received the diabetes drug sitagliptin.
– The other three received the fermented berry drink with three different

concentrations of anthocyanins: high, medium, and low.

They found that the mice given the fermented drinks had lower blood glucose levels than those given the water, and that they put on no weight, even while they were on a seriously unhealthy diet.

In addition, their bodies managed to deposit glucose in their muscles and organs where it was used as energy.

Finally, they showed less oxidative stress and less systemic inflammation, two of the main contributing factors not only to diabetes, but also to heart disease.

The mice that were given the fermented drink with the highest concentration anthocyanins benefited as much as those on the diabetes drug.

Unfortunately, this berry drink is not available in the shops, and fermenting berries at home will probably produce products with too much sugar to match these effects.

Mentioning alcohol-free grape wine that is already produced for diabetics, the authors recommend that wine makers use this research to produce an alcohol-free berry wine. Hopefully we’ll see more varieties on the market soon.

To learn how to stop the progression of type 2 diabetes symptoms, watch this video – How to Reverse Type 2 Diabetes Naturally

But you can completely reverse your type-2-diabetes using the 3-step program found here…

This post is from the 3 Steps Diabetes Strategy Program. It was created by Jodi Knapp from Blue Heron health news that has been recognized as one of the top-quality national health information websites. 

In this program, Jodi Knapp shares practical tips and advice on how you can prevent and cure diabetes naturally. She also dispels myths commonly associated with diabetes, like for example, diabetes being a lifelong condition. There are also lots of information going around that is simply not true and she’s here to correct it.

Diabetes is a disease, and it can be cured. This is just one of the important tips Jodi reveals in her program. Also, she included several ways in preventing the onset of disease, choosing the right food to eat, recommended vitamin supplements, the right time of the day to take the blood sugar and many more.

But the most amazing thing would have to be her program which only takes 3 simple steps to help you to control & treat type 2 diabetes. What it does is cure diabetes without having to rely on expensive drugs, diets that make sufferers crave for even more food they are not supposed to eat, and exercise programs that make people feel tired and depressed.

To find out more about this program, click on Stop the Progression of Type 2 Diabetes Symptoms

4 Tips to Be More Comfortable Around Family or Relatives


CLICK HERE to Find Out How to Overcome Your Social Phobia

Nervous Around Family or Relatives? Here’s Why & 4 Tips to Fix It

In this post I’ll show you why you feel nervous, anxious or shy when around family or other relatives. I’ll also show you 4 tips you can use today to fix it.

I figured this was the perfect topic because the holidays are here.

This is that time of year when people get together more often. This is usually bad news for someone who has shyness or social anxiety.

The holidays mean you will be FORCED to socialize more than normal. You may have to talk to people you don’t connect with that well and maybe even don’t like.

I’m talking about those relatives or family friends who you don’t know what to talk about with. Or your grandma who points out how quiet you are at the dinner table. Or that annoying uncle who asks every year if you have a girlfriend or boyfriend yet.

So I wanted to share with you some deep insights and quick tips to help you deal with these issues, so you can have a more enjoyable and relaxing holiday season. The best part is, these tips will not only help you with family and relatives, but they will allow you to be less nervous around pretty much anyone.

It feels refreshing to be visiting my family for a couple weeks during the holidays. We get to spend time together and catch up on all the new things happening in each other’s lives. We can enjoy the holiday meals together. Later we’ll celebrate Christmas and open our presents. We can connect at this time of the year easier than any other time. Everyone’s in one place, and school/work are out of the way for a bit.

But, To Be Honest … It Wasn’t Always Like This

In the past I actually HATED the holidays. It was my least favourite part of the year, besides my birthday.

The holidays meant I would be forced to be in the same room as relatives I never talked to. I would usually try to hide away in my room. But if this was impossible, then I would be nervous and awkward at the dinner table.

I hated it when someone would make a comment about me … maybe about how “quiet” I was. Or maybe someone would ask me if I had a girlfriend yet — and then everyone would watch me become uncomfortable and laugh.

Yup, I absolutely dreaded the holidays before.

Now, it’s all changed. I don’t feel the same anxiety or nervousness I did before. I don’t try to avoid talking to people. I feel comfortable at the dinner table, instead of tense and uptight. I can actually relax and enjoy spending time with my family and other relatives.

What happened to make me change?

I figured out the psychology BEHIND why I felt shyness and social anxiety, and this allowed me to fix it. In this article, I’ll share a big insight into why you’re nervous around your family and relatives. Then I’ll give you a 4 practical tips to fix this issue.

I’ll start with the insight. The basic reason why you’re nervous around family and relatives comes down to…

Who’s in Control?

A lot of confidence comes from how in control we feel we are in our lives.

As kids, we have almost no control. Our parents and relatives need to have the control so we survive and make the right long-term decisions. But as we grow older and slowly become adults, the balance of power usually shifts. You start to get more and more control over the decisions you make and the direction your life takes.

At least, that’s what’s supposed to happen.

Unfortunately, many people love a feeling of power and will cling onto whatever little power they feel they have. This includes many parents. I’m sure you can think of some people in your own life that continue to try to control their kid’s life a lot longer than they should. They may be your own parents or someone else’s.

(This is the reason why “teenage rebellion” is so common, by the way. Getting tattoos, a weird hairstyle or breaking rules are all attempts at establishing control over one’s own life. It’s a way of getting a feeling of independence. In psychology, this process is called individuation, and it’s actually a healthy thing to do.)

So you may be nervous and feel less confident around your family or relatives because you’re afraid of losing control. You want to remain the one in charge of your life, and it’s harder to do that when you’re around people who have been able to control you in the past. (And who may feel like they deserve to continue controlling you now.)

How can people control you?

  • By giving you unwanted life advice about what you should do in the future.
  • By making you do things you don’t want to do — like chores or spending time with relatives you dislike.
  • By making you conform to their way of thinking and their value systems. You’re not allowed to or afraid to express a conflicting opinion.

But the most common and most sneaky method of control is…

Emotional Control

This is about who has control over how you feel inside. The big question is: Are you in control or are you ALLOWING other people to manipulate the way you feel?

Most people believe that they are in control of their feelings more than other people, but it’s really not true. When you feel nervousness or anxiety about what someone says or thinks about you, it shows that they have control over how you feel.

For example: When someone calls you quiet or shy and you feel bad … or makes a comment about something that you are insecure about and you feel uncomfortable … then they have control over how you feel. Their action or comment caused you to feel a certain way.

 (One thing that used to really bug me was when a relative asked me if I had a girlfriend yet. For other people this could be their weight, lack of financial success or any other insecurity.)

I could give a million more examples.

The point is this: Shyness and social anxiety basically come down to being overly emotionally invested in someone else’s opinion of you. You probably already know this — it’s what some people call “caring too much what people think.”

When you are emotionally invested in someone, then you give them control over how you feel about yourself.

So the real question is: How can you become LESS emotionally invested and stop having other people control the way you feel about yourself?

Now, the topic of becoming not emotionally invested in what people think of you is something that I can’t explain in this short article. I cover the topic deeply in my system.

Instead, here’s a few quick tips for regaining control over how you feel about yourself. Once you start seeing that YOU can be the one in charge of how you feel, then you will become much more relaxed around people. You’ll stop letting others make you feel awkward, insecure or nervous .

How to Stay Emotionally in Control

1. Realize That YOU Are the Source of Insecurity

In other words, nobody can make you feel insecure or uncomfortable about something you weren’t already feeling self-critical about.

I gave the example above about how I always became uncomfortable and awkward whenever someone asked whether I had a girlfriend yet. The truth is, the reason why I felt uncomfortable was because I was already feeling  inferior for not having a girlfriend. I was already feeling like a loser about it, and I was afraid of having this “defect” or imperfection exposed.

These days, since I have now dated plenty of girls and had a girlfriend, I don’t feel insecure when a relative asks me if I have a girlfriend. I am comfortable with myself in this area of life, instead of feeling like I have a flaw I need to hide.

Think about how this applies to any other insecurity you may have. Are you worried that one of your relatives will comment about how quiet, fat, skinny, short or antisocial you are? If you are, then it shows you that you are uncomfortable with some part of yourself. The best way to fix this is to learn unconditional self-acceptance, something I teach in my system.

Think about it. If a skinny person gets called fat, then they will just laugh and take it as a joke. Only someone who is already feeling self-critical about being overweight will feel uncomfortable or offended.

Which brings to the second tip…

2. How to Respond to Annoying Comments from Relatives

The best way to respond to those comments that make you feel nervous, uncomfortable or annoyed is in a calm and straightforward way. There’s no need to be clever or get emotional. Just try to remain in control and don’t react too strongly.

Did someone call you quiet? You can either ignore them, or just say something like “Yeah I’m being pretty quiet right now.” This is how someone who isn’t feeling insecure about it would react. Answer in a calm, straightforward way and then move on.

Another technique is to interpret what the person said as a joke. For example, when I started to overcome my shyness, then sometimes relatives would point out that I was acting more confident or dressing differently. If someone makes a comment like this, then you can just laugh as if it’s a joke and then move on.

One last technique for dealing with annoying comments. This one is called “Agree and Amplify.” You just take whatever the other person said, agree with it, and then make it worse.

For example, if someone says “You’re so quiet.” Then you agree with what they said and then exaggerate it in a funny way. A good reply could be: “Yeah I’m so quiet. I’m just sitting here like a mouse.”

Or if someone points out that you gained weight (and they’re not being too rude) then you could say “Yeah, it’s because I just love eating chocolate chip cookies too much.”

3. The Opposite of Nervousness Is Not Confidence, But Relaxation

Most people who have shyness or social anxiety are too worried about acting confident. Don’t worry about looking confident, instead focus on making sure you are staying relaxed.

When you are relaxed, your awkwardness, nervousness and anxiety go away. And confidence comes only after you are feeling relaxed. These two techniques (be very relaxed and breathe deeply through your belly)for coping with anxiety are extremely effective because you can do them anywhere. They are very simple and straightforward to do, but don’t underestimate the power of them.

Next time you are feeling nervous before a big family dinner or party, walk into it remembering to focus on doing these techniques. The key is that you need to actually do these techniques when you feel nervous and anxious. You will probably forget to do them the first few times you need to. It takes some time to make it a habit to remember to use these techniques.

I promise you that once you start using them consistently, you’ll be amazed by the results.

4. Speak Up by Looking for Conversational Threads

Okay, so that takes care of dealing with uncomfortable comments and feeling less nervous, but there’s another big problem.

What about those situations when you just don’t know what to say to a relative you barely talk to?

You back? Good.

Now you know about conversation threading. So next time you’re at the dinner table sitting next to your Aunt, make sure to keep an ear out for these “threads” and then comment on them.

The big secret is: You don’t need to think of new, original things to say, you just have to learn to use the responses people give you. This is how you can talk to people easily and naturally, without running out of things to say or sitting there with a blank mind.

So make sure to watch the video I recorded about this technique here: How to Always Know What to Say Next.

For more ideas on how to be more comfortable around family or relatives, watch this video –Social Anxiety: Holidays, Birthdays & Social Gatherings

Going Further

I hope these tips help you with being less nervous, awkward and uncomfortable this holiday season. They definitely helped me get to where I am today.

I also hope you had a couple of insights into the psychology behind shyness and social anxiety. Ideas like emotional investment, and realizing that you need to take back control of how you feel are very important.

The problem is, I didn’t really get a chance to tell you the main strategy of HOW to overcome these big issues. Even a long article like this one can only scratch the surface and give a few tips.

That’s why I created my program called “The Shyness and Social Anxiety System.” I recently updated the whole system and DOUBLED the amount of techniques and strategies in it. I also turned it into an 8.5-hour audio program that you can just sit back and listen to instead of an e-book. This program is designed to totally reprogram your personality using the latest tricks in psychology.

So if you want to learn my complete and total system for rapidly overcoming shyness or social anxiety, then click here.

– Sean

By Sean W Cooper, the author of The Shyness and Social Anxiety System, is an ex-sufferer from social anxiety and shyness. This program is a compilation of his research and effort in overcoming shyness and anxiety.

Sean W Cooper’s Shyness and Anxiety system is a step by step audio course broken down into modules that are easy to access. It teaches you ways to start overcoming your social anxiety and self-doubt. The system utilises cognitive behavioural therapy which explores how feelings and thoughts can drive behaviour. 

The Shyness and Social Anxiety system is endorsed by professionals and praised by psychologists due to the way it provides the relevant skills to manage issues of shyness and social anxiety.

To find out more, click on Overcoming Fear of Public Speaking

8 Steps for Overcoming Fear of Public Speaking


CLICK HERE to Find Out How to Overcome Your Social Phobia

The fear of public speaking is one of the biggest fears in the world.

In surveys, it’s usually near the top of the list. Often, it’s above the fear of death, spiders, snakes, heights, or flying.

That’s right. Many people would rather babysit a snake or jump out of an airplane than make a ten-minute speech.

Now… if that’s how afraid NORMAL people are of public speaking, then can you imagine what shy and SOCIALLY ANXIOUS people have to face?

From personal experience, I can tell you that having social anxiety makes talking in front of a large group of people about 100 times worse.

I Know Because I’ve Been There

If there was one thing I hated in elementary and high school days, it was public speaking. I remember I would have done anything to get out of making speeches and presentations in front of the class.

The only reason I did them was because I was even more afraid of my parents finding out if I didn’t. So I ended up always forcing myself to go up and talk even though I felt like I was going to die inside.

And I would dread the presentation or speech for weeks in advance. Whenever I thought about it I would suddenly get a surge of anxiety imagining all those eyes on me and me being the center of everyone’s attention.

When the time came to finally make the presentation, I would be a nervous wreck. I’d get up there, look down at my cue cards as much as possible, and speak as quickly as I could. Even though I tried to talk normally, my voice always seemed to sound weird and the teacher would always write that I was too “quiet” or “soft spoken” or “nervous” on the evaluation sheet.

Once the presentation was over, I was just glad to get back to my seat as fast as possible and have it be over already. I was always completely shaken up and agitated, but relieved, once the whole experience was behind me.

I would be relieved for a few days, weeks or months, but it didn’t last forever.

Eventually the teacher would assign a new project that involved public speaking, and the cycle of anxiety and dread would start up again.

And the worst part is, my fear of public speaking didn’t seem to go away over time, it just seemed to get worse. Even as I went through the later part of high school and after I graduated.

I only started to get better at public speaking when I decided to learn specific techniques to overcome my fears and anxiety. I’ll share with you a few of these in this post.

1. Exposure Is the Way to Go

In order to overcome your anxiety and fear of public speaking, you’re going to have to do it. Over and over again. Even if you are afraid.

That’s the harsh reality, and anyone who claims otherwise is probably trying to sell you something.

Progressive exposure is the most effective and scientifically proven way for most people to get over their fears. This means you set up opportunities to slowly desensitize yourself to talking to people. The basic approach to overcoming fear is this: slow, steady improvement and putting yourself into uncomfortable situations.

Be afraid, be nervous, be hesitant, but do it anyway.

One way to gain exposure that’s often recommended is to sign up for Toastmasters International. Toastmasters is an organization that has groups that meet up in most major cities all over the world. Every week, one or more people in the group make a presentation/speech.

Of course, if you have severe social anxiety, then the idea of Toastmasters probably makes you want to hide under your bed. That’s why I say that PROGRESSIVE and GRADUAL exposure is the key here. First practice talking to people on-on-one, then, when you’re confident with that, then go for the big leagues with Toastmasters.

I know this piece of advice doesn’t help you if you have a presentation tomorrow, but it’s very important to follow it if you want to get better in the long run. If you want to get over your fear of public speaking permanently, then exposure is an absolutely necessary part of the plan.

Overcoming social fears is a long-term goal. Don’t expect to totally eliminate your fears and not feel anxious right away, but if you start doing things in spite of the fear, then you will amaze yourself with the progress you make.

Of course, I said a couple minutes ago that my public speaking just got worse over time, even with exposure. So why do I recommend it now?

The short answer is that I don’t recommend exposure by itself. By itself exposure will give you some progress, but not much. But if you combine exposure with other techniques for coping with anxiety, as well as practicing the tips I share with you in this article, then your fear will decrease until it is basically gone.

2. Repeated Practice Creates Confidence

The confidence that a polished public speaker possesses comes from making thousands of presentations and realizing that no single presentation has any lasting consequence on their life. This makes them able to express themselves freely and let go of the stress and anxiety most people feel.

Think about it. Why do most people fear public speaking? Because they think there’s a good chance they’ll “mess up” and look foolish. Even more importantly, they believe the CONSEQUENCES of messing up and looking foolish are very big. If they mess up, they feel like the sky will come crashing down. Nobody will ever like them again. The universe will end.

And the solution to this problem is not to tell yourself “What’s the worst that can happen?” but to go out and prove to yourself through first-hand experience that you will live regardless of how well you make your speech or presentation.

As a side note, the reason people feel fear is because a small part of your mind that triggers fear (the amygdala) thinks that public speaking is a threat to your survival. It sounds bizarre, but when you feel fear, it basically means your mind thinks there is a chance you will die.

So the solution is to keep exposing yourself to public speaking to show the “fear trigger” in your mind that it doesn’t kill you. Once you do this enough times, you will basically re-wire that “fear trigger” and not feel fear anymore about public speaking.

Once you start regularly making public speeches and presentations, your brain will slowly realize that there really are no permanent effects on your life, even if you screw up bad. 

You realize that people forget about your speech within a day or two, maybe even an hour or two. People are way too concerned with their own lives and issues to worry about that one time you made a fool of yourself.

3. Breathe and Relax

The mind and body are interconnected.

If your mind is anxious, your body will start to shake and sweat. You won’t be able to breathe or talk normally.

However, the opposite is also true. If you can make your body calm and relaxed, your mind will follow. It will become less anxious and you will feel less fear if you are relaxed “on the outside.”

4. Let Go of Control

When you go up in front of a group of people, do you immediately become self-conscious and inhibited?

The reason why this happens is because you are trying far too hard to control the impression you make on people. Once you get up in front of a group of people, everything you do becomes calculated and measured. Every word you say is chosen carefully, every gesture looks painfully contrived.

You do this to try to avoid making yourself look stupid. You’re trying to avoid disapproval. Unfortunately, trying to monitor and control every little word you say and action you take actually makes you look a lot worse than if you were just acting naturally.

The solution is to let go of trying to control every little word and action. You can do this by changing your focus. Instead of focusing on what specific words to say or how to stand, focus on the message you want to convey to your audience.

What do you want them to get out of it?

And yes, this is definitely easier said than done. Especially for someone who is so shy or socially anxious that they are self-conscious talking to even just one person.

But training your focus like this is a skill that is learnable. And it is essential to learn it if you want to start overcoming any self-consciousness you have in front of groups of people.

I’ll explain more about “how” to do this in the next two points…

5. Focus On the Message

You have to focus on the message and emotions you want to communicate and not worry about controlling the individual words. Trust that when your focus is on conveying the right message, the words will come out automatically and the gestures will choose themselves.

But in order to accomplish this, in order to become spontaneous and “natural” as opposed to self-conscious and studied in your performance, you will have to give up some control.

If you want to talk naturally instead of self-consciously when public speaking, then you will have to let go of needing every word to be perfectly planned out. All you should control is the “intent” you have behind your words and actions, not the words and actions themselves.

Any good performer does this, from top public speakers to world-class pianists.

The most skilled pianist in the world could never play a simple composition if he tried to consciously think out just which finger should strike each key – while he was playing. He was able to become a skilled performer only when he reached the point where he could cease conscious effort and turn the matter of playing over to the unconscious and automatic part of his mind.

– Dr. Maxwell Maltz

Anytime you are feeling self-conscious, it is because you are trying to control how you come across too much. When you are just talking to a family member, you don’t really care if every word is perfect. You have a general idea of what you want to say, and then you just talk.

It’s only when you go up in front of a group of people that you start to carefully pick out the exact words to say and carefully control your body language. And this is what makes you self-conscious.

Look at any videos of top public speakers. Do they look like they are preoccupied with presenting themselves a certain way? No. If they were, they could never put so much energy and charisma into their speaking. When they are at their best, their focus is always 100% on trying to get their intended message across.

6. No Internal Dialogue

One practical way to stop monitoring and controlling your behavior is to stop talking to yourself. You should have no internal dialogue when you are doing public speaking.

If you are talking to yourself, then that inner voice is probably talking about what to say/do next, or it’s commenting on how well you’re doing. Neither help you.

The best public speakers, believe it or not, just say the first thing that pops into their head. They don’t even think about it, they just say it. Their presentations are actually just a big stream-of-consciousness. But since their focus is on conveying the right message, everything works out.

By simply expressing what comes into your head instead of trying to filter and control what you say, your speaking will actually be a lot clearer. This is because you won’t have that “filter” of thinking and self-consciousness muddying up the channel of communication between you and your audience.

People don’t really care about the individual words anyway, but they will be able to FEEL your message if you implement what I’m saying here. To get an example of what I mean, watch this video of Tony Robbins in action

7. People Don’t Expect Perfection or Brilliance

Many people will tell you that you don’t need to be perfect and flawless when you do public speaking. Not only does this advice help to lower your fear and anxiety, but it’s also true.

Think about what the goal of your speech or presentation really is. The goal of your speaking is not for you to appear flawless, intelligent, or charismatic. The real goal of any public speaking may be to teach people something, to entertain them, or to make them interested about a topic.

Even if these weren’t your goal before, they are now. Don’t view success as making other people think you are perfect or brilliant. Think of success as giving something to other people. If you’ve just given your audience something of value, whether that be a single insight or piece of information they didn’t know before, you’ve succeeded.

The essence of public speaking is this: give your audience something of value. That’s all there is to it. If people in your audience walk away with something (anything) of value, they will consider you a success. If they walk away feeling better about themselves, feeling better about some job they have to do, they will consider you a success. If they walk away feeling happy or entertained, they will consider their time with you worthwhile.

Even if you pass out, get tongue-tied, or say something stupid during your talk . . . they won’t care! As long as they get something of value, they will be thankful.

-Morton C. Ormond, MD

If you’ve ever heard the advice people give to shy people to “focus more on other people and less on yourself,” this is why. Once you view success as giving something valuable to your audience instead of trying to make them like you, much of the anxiety goes away.

8. Keep Your Focus On the Present Moment

When you are making a speech or presentation, it’s very important to keep your attention in the present. Stay focused on what is happening RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.

If you are thinking about something that happened 2 minutes or even 20 seconds ago, then you are not able to focus on the only place where your actions can make a difference, which is the present. It makes no sense to worry about some blunder or mistake you made while you are still speaking.

You canʼt affect the past or the future. I remember when I was learning to play a new instrument a friend said: “If you mess up or play the wrong note, forget about it! Itʼs done man, you canʼt go back to that. The river keeps flowing. Stay in the present!”

This is exactly the mindset you must be in when you are doing public speaking. If you mess up, donʼt think about it! Bring your attention back to what is happening right now, not what happened a couple minutes ago.

And don’t think too far ahead, either. If you start worrying about something a few minutes into the future, then there’s no way you will be able to effectively convey your message. You’ll be too distracted and scattered all over the place. You’ll be too preoccupied and anxious about remembering some point you need to make in a few minutes.

STOP thinking so much and breathe. Bring your focus back to the present and keep it here.

Summary

In short, here are the 8 steps:

  1. Expose yourself to your fears in order to overcome them.
  • Repeated practice creates confidence.
  • Breathe and relax.
  • Let go trying to control how you come across.
  • Focus on the message you want to communicate.
  • Don’t talk to yourself.
  • People don’t expect perfection or brilliance.
  • Keep your focus on the present moment.

Remember that overcoming any fear takes time and effort. But it is possible to desensitize yourself to the fear of public speaking, learn to avoid the mistakes you’ve made in the past, and become an effective and relaxed public speaker.

You can become someone who doesn’t feel dread and anxiety before stepping up to do public speaking. Who doesn’t become a shaking, stuttering mess once the pressure of dozens of eyes are on you.

All you have to do is take one of the ideas I’ve shown you in this article, and implement it the next time you speak. Then after that try a second one. Once you have a few of these down and some experience under your belt, your fear of public speaking will decrease dramatically. Keep practicing and one day it won’t bother you at all.

For more tips on overcoming fear of public speaking, watch this video – Speaking Up Without Freaking Out | Matt Abrahams | TEDxPaloAlto

If you want to learn more tips on how to be less shy, anxious and introverted in social situations, then click here to check out my e-book on overcoming shyness and social anxiety.

By Sean W Cooper, the author of The Shyness and Social Anxiety System, is an ex-sufferer from social anxiety and shyness. This program is a compilation of his research and effort in overcoming shyness and anxiety.

Sean W Cooper’s Shyness and Anxiety system is a step by step audio course broken down into modules that are easy to access. It teaches you ways to start overcoming your social anxiety and self-doubt. The system utilises cognitive behavioural therapy which explores how feelings and thoughts can drive behaviour. 

The Shyness and Social Anxiety system is endorsed by professionals and praised by psychologists due to the way it provides the relevant skills to manage issues of shyness and social anxiety.

To find out more, click on Overcoming Fear of Public Speaking

What is the Best Cure for Shyness and Social Anxiety?


CLICK HERE to Find Out How to Overcome Your Social Phobia

Is It Time to Give Up and Just Accept Yourself as You Are?

My answer: yes and no.

If you’ve been struggling with shyness or social anxiety for years, then I’m sure you’ve had some depressing thoughts before.

Thoughts like:

“What if my confidence will never improve, and I’m going to be this quiet, timid, awkward and shy for the rest of my life?”

“What if I never become comfortable around the opposite sex and never find a girlfriend or boyfriend who loves me?”

“What if I’m always going to be haunted by this fear, anxiety and nervousness … especially around people I only sort-of know?”

And if you’ve had any of these thoughts, then I’m sure you’ve also thought to yourself…

“Maybe I Should Accept This Is How I Am”

Now, I agree that accepting yourself is important.

When you don’t accept yourself, then shyness and social anxiety become ten times more difficult to overcome.

Because when you’re not comfortable with yourself, then it’s impossible to be comfortable and relaxed around other people.

When you don’t accept yourself, then you’ll always feel anxious and nervous around people, and you won’t even know why.

You’ll find it hard to truly connect with people and form close friendships.

And getting a girlfriend or boyfriend will be a HUGE uphill battle. (When you can’t open yourself up and you can’t “be there” for someone, then what chance do you have?)

On the other hand, when you are accepting and comfortable with yourself, then issues like insecurity, self-consciousness and a fear of rejection go away almost automatically

.

Acceptance = Lack of Social Anxiety

People who have the deepest self-acceptance tend to be the most socially confident. Even if they don’t “deserve” to be.

Have you ever seen some arrogant, stupid, unattractive person who has a lot of confidence? (If you’ve ever worked in customer service, or watched a reality TV show, then I’m sure you have.)

Here’s one example of someone who feels confident even when she doesn’t know what she’s talking about:

Woman at VP Debate Calls Obama a Communist

So self-acceptance and comfort with yourself is the ultimate cure to issues like shyness and social anxiety.

Now here’s where most people get it wrong…

Accepting Yourself and Giving Up Are NOT The Same Thing

Many shy and socially anxious people think that “accepting themselves” is the same as giving up.

They think that if they don’t have a girlfriend or boyfriend yet, they should “accept themselves” and stop trying to find one.

If they don’t have friends, they should “accept themselves” and stop trying to meet new people.

If they aren’t confident, they should “accept themselves” and stop trying to do things outside of their comfort zone.

Basically, they think they need to give up trying to improve themselves to stop feeling bad about themselves.

Don’t make this mistake yourself.

 Carl Roger’s Secret to Self Confidence

In 2006, a survey was sent out to hundreds of therapists. It asked: “Over the last 25 years, which figures have most influenced your practice?”.

1982 out of 2598 responded with the name, “Carl Rogers.”

Carl Rogers was a man who changed our understanding of therapy and psychology.

My favorite quote of his is:

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”


– Carl R. Rogers

Carl Rogers said that for a person to “grow”, they needed an environment that provides them with genuineness (openness and self-disclosure), acceptance (being seen with unconditional positive regard), and empathy (being listened to and understood).

And he also said if someone didn’t get that type of environment growing up, then they would usually have low self-worth and confidence. So it was the therapist’s job to give them that environment.

Basically, he said to focus on making the client accept themselves. And then, once they accepted themselves … only then would they be able to change.

Let Go of Who You Are … To Become Who You Were Meant to Be

A couple days ago, I was watching a TV show with my brother.

It’s a nerdy TV show called “Doctor Who” that my brother’s a big fan of.

The show is about this “doctor” who’s a time traveller. He travels through time in his spaceship shaped like a police box, saving people from evil aliens.

And every 2-3 years, the doctor regenerates. This means the old actor basically dies in the show and he’s replaced by a new actor. It’s like a rebirth for the “doctor” in the show.

So, in this episode we were watching, the doctor “regenerated” again. But, before he died, he had an interesting speech. He said some word which I think really apply to people looking to overcome shyness and social anxiety.

He said:

We all change. When you think about it, we’re all different people all through our lives, and that’s ok. You’ve got to keep moving so long as you remember the people that you used to be.

Think about how this quote can apply to you.

Accept yourself, but don’t use acceptance as an excuse to avoid fear and discomfort. Realize that you can change more of your personality than you think … if you know what to do.

To find out about the cure for shyness and social anxiety, watch these 2 videos –

How To Overcome Social Anxiety And Shyness (4 WEIRD TIP)

Jordan Peterson: How To Fight Social Anxiety AND WIN! (Must Watch)

Let Me Show You Exactly What to Do Step-By-Step…

That’s why I created The Shyness and Social Anxiety System . In it, I’ll walk you through specific techniques that you can use to instantly eliminate your insecurities, self-consciousness and nervousness.

This system has an all-new section called “Becoming Comfortable with Yourself” where I reveal my latest insights into this important topic. Once you listen to this section, you’ll instantly find your old anxiety and tension around people melting away.

You’ll eliminates the quiet, awkward, and nervous energy that used to make people avoid and ignore you. You’ll find people being magnetically drawn to you because of simple little inner changes in the way you feel about yourself. You’ll finally have people making an effort to talk to you, be your friend and invite you out to places.

Click here to learn more…

Until next time,


Sean Cooper

By Sean W Cooper, the author of The Shyness and Social Anxiety System, is an ex-sufferer from social anxiety and shyness. This program is a compilation of his research and effort in overcoming shyness and anxiety.

Sean W Cooper’s Shyness and Anxiety system is a step by step audio course broken down into modules that are easy to access. It teaches you ways to start overcoming your social anxiety and self-doubt. The system utilises cognitive behavioural therapy which explores how feelings and thoughts can drive behaviour. 

The Shyness and Social Anxiety system is endorsed by professionals and praised by psychologists due to the way it provides the relevant skills to manage issues of shyness and social anxiety.

To find out more, click on What is the Best Cure for Shyness and Social Anxiety?

Overcome Fear of Being Judged – Are You Secretive and Withdrawn?


CLICK HERE to Find Out How to Overcome Your Social Phobia

Do you keep to yourself a lot?

Do you think if people knew what you actually did 24 hours a day, they would look down on you?

If so, then you’re not alone.

Back when I had social anxiety, I remember being very secretive about my life and what I did in my spare time.

I thought if someone found out about me having no friends or no social life, they wouldn’t like me anymore. I thought if a girl I liked found out about my lack of past relationships and experience, her interest would disappear before it even started. Basically I thought if people found out about “the real me,” then they would instantly reject me.

This caused me to become secretive and withdrawn around people. If someone asked me “what did you do this weekend?” I would try my best to dodge the question. Even though they only asked to try to be friendly, I didn’t want them to know I had spent it alone keeping myself amused.

After a lot of time working on my social anxiety, trying to find ways to cure it, and studying the psychology behind it, I figured out the cause of these secretive behaviours.

Being secretive and withdrawn comes from having a belief that says…

“I Am Inferior”

Most socially anxious people feel they are inferior in some way to everyone else, and if this inferiority was discovered by someone, then it would mean instant rejection.

This feeling of inferiority could come from:

  • a lack of friends or social life,
  • “ugliness” or a physical flaw,
  • or a dozen other things

When you feel that you are inferior in some way, then you’re going to try to find ways to cover up or compensate for that feeling of inferiority. Usually this happens through trying to create a certain IMPRESSION on someone.

Think about this carefully, because it’s important.

Trying to Make “Impressions”

Instead of expressing your personality freely, inferiority makes you carefully monitor how other people see you. You spent a lot of time and mental energy trying to make certain “impressions” on people to make them like you.

In psychology, this is called impression management. Impression management is the reason why you try to be seen as someone you’re not in front of certain people.

For example, around some guy or girl you like, you may try to look more popular and social whenever they walk by. Or, if you are walking alone, then you may try to avoid them so they don’t see you by yourself.

It’s all about you trying to make them see you in a certain light.

Here’s how the process works: “People can’t like me because I’m ugly/loner/pathetic, but if I can create a good impression in their minds, then maybe they will like that impression.”

In essence, you’re trying to “trick” people into liking you…

  • If you feel too ugly, you’ll only let certain people see you with lots of makeup on and constantly check your appearance in the mirror.
  • If you feel you are a loner, you’ll avoid running into people when you’re by yourself — you may see them in the distance walking towards you and avoid them.
  • If you feel like people don’t like you because you’re too quiet, then when someone you want to impress comes by, you’ll try to be louder and more social.

Being Secretive

Okay, this is all interesting, but what does it have to do with being secretive and withdrawn?

A lot, actually.

When you are acting secretive and withdrawn, you basically don’t want people to find out about the “real” you.

You don’t want them to know about your bad parts. You don’t want them to know about the things you are ashamed of. You don’t want them to realize that you are actually inferior.

Because you think when they do … POOF! They’ll be gone!

You think…

  • when they find out you have a boring life, they’ll won’t accept you
  • when they realize you have no friends, they’ll lose respect for you
  • when they see you’re actually shy, introverted, and insecure, they’ll want to have nothing to do with you.

So you become secretive and withdrawn to avoid being rejected. You may not have any friends if you are this secretive, but you also don’t risk losing people’s acceptance.

The Problem with Impression Management

Right now you may be thinking: “Okay, I now realize I’m trying to create an impression so that people will like me. But what’s wrong with that? Is it bad to want to be liked?”

And no, there’s nothing wrong with trying to be liked.

But trying to create impressions is simply the wrong way of doing it.

There are many flaws with trying to create impressions on people…

First, when other people find out you were putting on an act the whole time, your friendship or relationship will crumble. That’s because it was never a real relationship in the first place. It was just you playing a game to get the other person’s acceptance and approval.

Secondly…

The most miserable and tortured people in the world are those who are continually straining and striving to convince themselves and others that they are something other than what they basically are.

– Dr. Maxwell Maltz

And thirdly, impression management makes you self-conscious and inhibited around people. You don’t feel free to express yourself because then you would lose control of the impression you’d make on others.

So What’s the Solution?

Is there an alternative to impression management?

Yes, there is.

The solution is self-acceptance. Self-acceptance means accepting and coming to terms with yourself just as you are now, with all your faults, weaknesses, shortcomings, as well as your assets and strengths. Accept that you will always be imperfect, just like everyone else.

Self-acceptance is the cure to feelings of inferiority, and curing inferiority will make you stop trying to create impressions on people.

Once you accept yourself, you’ll stop being secretive because you’ll think “what’s the point?” If you truly believe that people can accept and like you just for you, then there’s no point in wasting so much time and energy trying to make them to like you.

Dr. Arthur W. Combs, professor of educational psychology and counselling at the University of Florida, says that the goal of every human being should be to become a “self-fulfilled person.” I think this is even more applicable to people with shyness and social anxiety.

Watch this video to find out how to overcome fear of being judgedFree Yourself From The Fear Of Judgement & Start Living Life | Marisa Peer

What is a self-fulfilled person?

A self-fulfilled person sees themselves as liked, wanted, acceptable and able individuals. They have a high degree of acceptance of themselves as they are. They have a feeling of oneness with others.

Accept yourself, and become self-fulfilled, and you won’t feel the need to be as secretive and withdrawn.

And, even better, you will start to open up to people more, which is what creates truly fulfilling friendships and relationships. When you open up and share yourself people will feel comfortable around you and like you. 

Being secretive and withdrawn instead of open, honest and authentic is one of the main reasons why shy and socially anxious people have trouble making friends.

Right now you may be thinking: “That’s easy to say, but how do you apply it?”

This post is already getting too long, but I dedicate a whole section of my e-book to ways of gaining rock-solid self-acceptance, self-esteem, and self-fulfillment.

This isn’t the typical new-age soft stuff you’d expect. It’s based in real-world psychology and my own first-hand experience overcoming social anxiety and shyness. 

Check it out here if you want.

By Sean W Cooper, the author of The Shyness and Social Anxiety System, is an ex-sufferer from social anxiety and shyness. This program is a compilation of his research and effort in overcoming shyness and anxiety.

Sean W Cooper’s Shyness and Anxiety system is a step by step audio course broken down into modules that are easy to access. It teaches you ways to start overcoming your social anxiety and self-doubt. The system utilises cognitive behavioural therapy which explores how feelings and thoughts can drive behaviour. 

The Shyness and Social Anxiety system is endorsed by professionals and praised by psychologists due to the way it provides the relevant skills to manage issues of shyness and social anxiety.

To find out more, click on What is the Best Way to Overcome Fear of Being Judged ?

What is the Best Way for Overcoming Social Fears?


CLICK HERE to Find Out How to Overcome Your Social Phobia

Overcoming Social Fears Through Progressive Desensitization

Let’s get right down to it, what exactly do you need to do to overcome social fears like shyness or social anxiety?

Well, it starts by facing fear. People usually are shy or socially anxious because they avoid the situations they are uncomfortable in. They run away from fear.

Do you ever:

Try to avoid talking to someone you are shy around? Maybe it’s a co-worker that you make sure to never walk past their office.

Or maybe you avoid someone you are attracted to. If you saw them walking towards you, would you be frantically thinking of ways to not walk past them?

Do you ever keep quiet in group conversations, meetings, or in class because you’re too nervous to speak up? This is another way of avoiding fear. In this case, you are avoiding doing a certain behaviour that scares you.

All of these behaviours do not help your social fears. They only reinforce it and make it worse.

Why? It’s because the process of overcoming shyness or social anxiety is exposure to what you fear. This is not just A way to overcome shyness, it’s THE way. The ONLY way.

How to Overcome Any Fear?

Exposure is the way to overcome any fear. This means you gradually expose yourself to what you fear over and over again until you no longer fear it. In psychology this is called progressive desensitization. You progressively desensitize yourself to what you are afraid of.

Pretty sexy, huh? Now you know why I tell people that overcoming shyness or social anxiety is not a fun activity.

You have to be willing to put yourself into uncomfortable situations that make you nervous and tense. You have to be willing to endure short-term discomfort to live a better life free of fear in the long-term.

Stop Avoiding Fear, It’s Actually a Good Thing

If you don’t have a firm conviction to overcome shyness or social anxiety, then you will run away from the discomfort and fear. This is not the way to change.

Instead, use your willpower to stop avoiding the situations you fear.

Realize that fear is not a bad thing. In fact, it is a good thing.

Fear is a good thing because fear shows you the path to the life you want.

Think about it. All of your deepest desires are fear-ridden. All of the things that you really want to do, whether it’s making new friends, talking to someone you’re attracted to, or becoming okay at public speaking are things you are scared of right now.

If you feel fear, then you know you are doing what’s best for you in the long run.

It’s like the difference between eating junk food and eating healthy. Junk food is ultra -tempting in the moment, just like avoiding fear. On the other hand, the healthy food doesn’t taste as good, but it will benefit you more in the long run, just like facing your fears.

Don’t take the easy way out.

Watch these 2 videos below about overcoming social fears

Social Anxiety | Overcome the Fear of Being Judged

7 Techniques to Overcome Social Anxiety | Causes, Symptoms and Strategies

Click here to learn more about my system for overcoming social anxiety.

By Sean W Cooper, the author of The Shyness and Social Anxiety System, is an ex-sufferer from social anxiety and shyness. This program is a compilation of his research and effort in overcoming shyness and anxiety.

Sean W Cooper’s Shyness and Anxiety system is a step by step audio course broken down into modules that are easy to access. It teaches you ways to start overcoming your social anxiety and self-doubt. The system utilises cognitive behavioural therapy which explores how feelings and thoughts can drive behaviour. 

The Shyness and Social Anxiety system is endorsed by professionals and praised by psychologists due to the way it provides the relevant skills to manage issues of shyness and social anxiety.

To find out more, click on What is the Best Way for Overcoming Social Fears?

How to Overcome Depression Due to Social Anxiety?


CLICK HERE to Find Out How to Overcome Your Social Phobia

10 Reasons Social Anxiety Makes You Depressed

Why do social anxiety and depression often occur together? In this post I’ll list what I believe are the top 10 reasons. To find out how to overcome depression due to social anxiety, read on till end of this post.

1. Lack of social connections

Did you know there are psychologists out there who also study “happiness,” not just disorders? What they’ve found is that the quality of your close personal relationships is the most important factor in your happiness:

50 years of happiness research shows that the quantity and quality of a person’s social connections—friendships, relationships with family members, closeness to neighbors, etc.—is so closely related to well-being and personal happiness the two can practically be equated.

– Christine Carter, Ph.D., University of California, Berkeley

Yes, it’s more important than money, fame, good looks, or even being born in a rich country. Take that, billionaires!

Of course, it does suck to be someone with social anxiety who avoids people and is afraid of closeness or intimacy.

In my experience, depression can make your social avoidance much worse. Why? Because when you feel like crap inside, it totally removes your motivation to socialize. Not only do you feel nervous to talk to people, but now you don’t even have the energy or enthusiasm to even try. Oh, but you still feel that nagging loneliness.

2. People are turned off by your nervous, sad or desperate energy.

Feeling anxious makes it extremely difficult to carry on even a basic conversation.

This is why one of the most common problem I hear from my readers is that they “don’t know what to say” or their “mind goes blank” when talking. It’s hard to talk to people when you have alarm bells going off inside your mind, and your heart is racing, sweat is dripping off you, and your hands are trembling.

What’s worse, the sadness and depression you feel from loneliness turns people off even more. It makes you give off this subtle needy and desperate vibe, which to other people feels like a black hole of negative energy. When I was most depressed, I felt like I sucked the fun and energy out of the conversation just by opening my mouth.

3. Feeling “different” instead of belonging to a tribe.

Similar to point #1, it feels great when you feel like you’ve found “your people”:

  • People who have similar viewpoints, interests and goals to you.
  • People who you can have shared experiences with.
  • People who you can totally feel free to be yourself around.

Unfortunately, most people with social anxiety feel “different,” out of place, like you don’t really fit in with any group of people you’ve met.

I know this feeling all too well. While most guys in school were talking about dumb stuff like who their favourite hockey player was… I was wondering why they cared so much about hockey in the first place.

I’m lucky now to have found my own “tribe” of people I can easily connect to (generally people who are interested in psychology, online business, self-development, travel.) But it would have been impossible to find them with social anxiety.

Some studies have found that childhood experiences of not fitting in or being excluded can lead to social anxiety, depression and low self-esteem.

4. Can’t find a significant other.

Having a girlfriend, boyfriend, a companion… this is one of the big reasons why people come learn from me and invest in my courses.

Actually, relationships don’t always lead to happiness. They’re not always sunshine and roses. They often include conflict, jealously and heartbreak. And lonely people overlook the fact that the most depressed people in the world are usually the ones who have just broken up… luckily that type of depression lifts within a few weeks normally.

Yet despite the negatives, having someone to share the little moments of life with is something that gives many people a great feeling of being understood, loved and significant. I believe nobody should have to suffer being unwillingly single for years or a lifetime, but many people with social anxiety do.

5. Can’t pursue your desired career.

What’s a good job for someone with social anxiety? Computer programmer? Maybe a video editor? Yet even these jobs nowadays require a lots of collaboration and talking to people. Unless you’re going to be a truck driver or park ranger, you can’t really escape needing conversation skills in most jobs.

It’s simply a fact: If you aren’t confident, if you aren’t assertive, and if even the word “teamwork” makes your heart start to beat a little faster… then you’re probably going to be struggle getting the career you truly deserve.

  • To not getting the raise or promotion you want because you’re scared to ask for it,
  • To being too nervous at the interview to get a job in the first place!

…I would bet social anxiety costs many people tens of thousands of dollars over a lifetime in their professional life.

6. Boredom and nothing to do.

Alone and aimlessly browsing the internet. That describes way too much of my high school and college life. Here’s a fact: when you don’t have friends to do things with, you usually don’t have many interesting things to do.

So you spend a lot of time doing things just to stay busy and distracted, things that ultimately feel unfulfilling and empty. For me this included video games, browsing random websites, etc. Jumping from distraction to distraction fills the time, but it your life doesn’t feel meaningful, and over time this erodes your self-esteem even more.

7. Negative thoughts about self.

Feeling insecure about yourself is extremely common for social anxiety sufferers. You may believe that you’re ugly, that you’re secretly a loser, that people closely judge every little thing you say, etc. 

(This is in fact one of the core causes of social anxiety: you feel like you are “flawed” in some way, so you’re constantly nervous and worried about other people “noticing” this flaw and rejecting you.)

I’m sure it’s easy to see how the same types of thoughts that make you feel socially anxious can also make you feel depressed.

8. Feeling inferior and submissive.

I’ve yet to see another course about shyness or social anxiety talk about this, but I consider it crucially important…

When you perceive your social status or rank to be LOW, that’s when you start being “shy” or “socially anxious.” In psychology this idea is called “social rank theory.”

Let me explain. Take a look at these 3 common symptoms of shyness:

  • Weak eye contact,
  • Talking quietly and timidly,
  • Being afraid to be assertive.

Think about what someone acting this way is really communicating. If a scientist saw a chimpanzee acting this way in the wild, he would label it as… submissive! And that’s where a lot of low social confidence comes from: a deep unconscious belief in other people being higher social status and more socially dominant than you. If you can overcome this feeling of inferiority, then you will find it easy to stop acting submissive & shy.

I talk a lot about this in my System, in the chapter called “Value & The Social Hierarchy”. What I didn’t realize when I created my course was that this same belief of inferiority / low status also leads to depression. That’s what this study found:

This study explores the associations between shame, depression and social anxiety from the perspective of social rank theory. Social rank theory argues that emotions and moods are significantly influenced by the perceptions of one’s social status/rank; that is the degree to which one feels inferior to others and looked down on. A common outcome of such perceptions is submissive behaviour. […]

Results confirm that shame, social anxiety and depression (but not guilt) are highly related to feeling inferior and to submissive behaviour.

– Study by Paul Gilbert: The Relationship of Shame, Social Anxiety and Depression: The Role of the Evaluation of Social Rank

9. Feeling ignored and invisible

Have you ever heard the saying that “you only exist in relationship to other people”? I think there’s some deep truth to it.

There have been periods of my life when I’ve been a huge loner, basically a hermit. I avoided making friends, and rarely talked to family. And it felt really strange. Like my existence felt less real when I didn’t interact with people for a long time. I started to wonder if I was losing my personality the more I stayed alone. I felt like I was fading away.

I can definitely see how some old people who are isolated start to go crazy, because I could feel it happening to me. And maybe this is why people fall in love… they need to feel like at least one other person in the world SEES them fully. Not feeling like other people KNOW and understand you really is depressing.

Loneliness does not come from having no people around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you. – Carl Jung

And lastly…

10. No plan or hope of getting better.

The longer you stay stuck with social anxiety, the less you feel in control of your life.

And the longer you are deprived of relationships, the harder it becomes to dig yourself out of the hole. It can feel so comforting to try to push your desires for friends, for a romantic relationship to the back of your mind as you focus on other hobbies.

But every once in a while, maybe on your birthday, you realize that another year of your life slipped by. Without much improvement.

That life event that was supposed to change your life: moving away to college, graduating or getting a job… it came and went and you’re still the same person. And sometimes you lay awake at night feeling like you’re wasting precious time you’ll never ever get back.

Now THAT’S the part of social anxiety which is the most depressing in my opinion.

Yet this type of thinking is also what finally motivated me to overcome my own social anxiety and now teach others as well.

Watch this video – How to cope with anxiety | Olivia Remes | TEDxUHasselt

If you take one thing away from this post, I hope it’s this: You are not alone. The same struggles, challenges and frustrations you face every day are ones common to most people with social anxiety.

Click here to learn more about my system for overcoming social anxiety.

By Sean W Cooper, the author of The Shyness and Social Anxiety System, is an ex-sufferer from social anxiety and shyness. This program is a compilation of his research and effort in overcoming shyness and anxiety.

Sean W Cooper’s Shyness and Anxiety system is a step by step audio course broken down into modules that are easy to access. It teaches you ways to start overcoming your social anxiety and self-doubt. The system utilises cognitive behavioural therapy which explores how feelings and thoughts can drive behaviour. 

The Shyness and Social Anxiety system is endorsed by professionals and praised by psychologists due to the way it provides the relevant skills to manage issues of shyness and social anxiety.

To find out more, click on How to Overcome Depression Due to Social Anxiety?

How to Unclog Arteries Without Medication and Reduce Cholesterol Fast?


Click Here to Find Out How You Can Completely Clean Out the Plaque Build-Up in Your Arteries

Unclog Arteries Without Medication and Reduce Cholesterol Fast – Does Exercise Really Prevent Death?

The Physical Activity Guidelines for Americans, which appeared in the journal JAMA in 2018, proposed one of two ideal programs: either a weekly total of 150 minutes of light to moderate aerobic exercise combined with two strength training sessions, or 75 minutes of vigorous aerobic exercise combined with two strength training sessions.

But till now, there has been little scientific scrutiny of these specific guidelines.

This is the gap that the new study intended to fill. And the results were quite surprising.

The authors of the new study decided to examine whether adherence to these two exercise schedules was associated with a reduction in death from all causes and death from eight specific causes: cardiovascular disease, diabetes, Alzheimer’s disease, cancer, lower respiratory tract diseases, pneumonia and flu, kidney diseases, and accidents and injuries.

They first consulted the National Health Interview Surveys from 1997 to 2014 in which people reported their weekly aerobic and muscle strengthening activities.

They then compared this data with information obtained from the National Death Index records that stretched across nine years.

Overall, the authors used the information that 479,856 people provided and categorized the results into four groups: insufficient activity, aerobic activity only, muscle strengthening only, and both types of activities according to the 2018 Physical Activity Guidelines for Americans.

Unsurprisingly, only 16 percent (or 76,384) of the participants met the exercise guidelines, and 59,819 of them died during the study period.

Compared to participants who engaged in insufficient exercise, those who did sufficient muscle strengthening activity had an 11 percent lower risk of all-causes death, and those who performed sufficient aerobic activity had reduced their risk of all-causes death by 29 percent.

Even better, the risk of all-causes death of those who performed both types of activity according to the guidelines managed to reduce their all-causes death risk by 40 percent.

The surprise wasn’t that exercising helps, but rather, it was just how much exercising helps.

But exercising is only one piece of the puzzle. Here are more tips on avoiding the diseases addressed in the study:

Cardiovascular disease…

Type 2 diabetes…

Alzheimer’s disease and other causes of dementia…

Kidney disease…

High blood pressure…

Written by Julissa Clay

Unclog Arteries Without Medication and Reduce Cholesterol Fast – Can Beef Improve Cholesterol Levels?

Medical scientists have been telling us for ages to avoid meat because it contains saturated fat that supposedly increases our cholesterol levels and, subsequently, the risk of clogged arteries, heart attack, and stroke.

A study in the latest edition of the Journal of Nutrition analyzed the effects on cholesterol, blood pressure, and insulin resistance of substituting lean beef for some of the carbohydrates in a healthful American diet.

The United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) recommends that American adults obtain no more than 20 percent of their daily energy from protein; for Americans, daily protein sources are most often animal products.

According to these guidelines, the bulk of Americans’ energy needs should be satisfied with carbohydrates because animal products, which can be rich in saturated fat, may cause high cholesterol and diabetes.

But because lean beef actually contains fairly little saturated fat, a team of researchers decided to establish what would happen if lean beef were added to a relatively healthful American diet in the place of carbohydrates.

Their subjects were 7 men and 26 women with an average age of 44.4 years; all were overweight or obese, with an average body mass index of 31.3 kg/m2. The subjects had all been diagnosed with metabolic syndrome or prediabetes, but those with excessively high cholesterol and blood pressure were excluded.

They split them into two groups:

1. A group who ate the conventional diet recommended by the USDA (the “USDA-CON group”). They obtained 16–18 percent of their daily energy from protein and 52–58 percent from carbohydrates.

2. A group who replaced some of the carbohydrates of the USDA-recommended diet with 150 grams (5.21 ounces) of lean beef (the “USDA-LB group”).

Each group consumed its diet for seven days, after which the subjects were told to resume their normal diets for 14 days. The groups then swapped and ate the other group’s original diet for another seven days.

Before and after each seven-day dietary period, the scientists tested the subjects’ cholesterol, triglycerides (blood fats), blood pressure, insulin resistance, and a marker of inflammation called C-reactive protein.

The two diets did not differ in any of these heart disease and diabetes risk factors, meaning that the substitution of lean beef for carbohydrates makes no difference when it comes to heart disease and diabetes risk for people who are already overweight/obese and prediabetic.

This should be good news for people who love lean meat; this finding basically means that they can eat two servings of it per day. This excludes fat and processed meats like ham, bacon, sausages, and mincemeat.

The study lasted over a short period of one week and didn’t reveal anything about the long-term effects of eating lean meat, but the study did show that cutting out carbohydrates did nothing to improve type 2 diabetes and other health factors.

But there is another ingredient that has nothing to do with protein or carbs but that is piling up cholesterol plaque in your heart—and you don’t even know you’re consuming it. I’ll explain this in detail here…

Unclog Arteries Without Medication and Reduce Cholesterol Fast – The “Heart-Friendly” Vitamin You Should STOP Taking IMMEDIATELY!

We need to talk. There is a vitamin that just about everyone says is great for your cardiovascular health. Even most respected natural health experts agree on the wonders of this vitamin.

But in reality, this vitamin can damage your cardiovascular system—severely—by hardening your blood vessels, for example, along with all the resulting complications.

Most unfortunate of all is that half of all patients over 60 are strongly encouraged to stock up on this vitamin.

The investigation group from Johns Hopkins Medical School looked at data from the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey from 2001 to 2006, which collected data from 15,000 participants.

None of the survey participants had cardiovascular-related conditions, but rather, all had fairly low amounts of vitamin D.

The results of the survey brought to light an interesting connection between vitamin D levels and CRP, a known marker for cardiovascular inflammation associated with stiffening of blood vessels.

Researchers found that study participants who had what were considered “normal” levels of vitamin D had significantly lower levels of inflammation.

However, the researchers also discovered that any additional increase of vitamin D in blood levels was related to a significantly heightened risk for CRP (a marker of cardiovascular inflammation).

Nevertheless, it is important to understand that vitamin D is crucial to our cardiovascular health, and many studies proved that optimum vitamin D levels reduce the risk of heart disease, lower blood pressure, and even reduce mortality.

However, there can be too much of a good thing, and vitamin D supplements may pose unnecessary health risks to people.

Health care providers should be aware of the potential risks of overloading on vitamin D and recommend the vitamin only when there is an obvious need for it.

Remember that the best source of vitamin D is sunshine. A daily walk outside for at least 20 minutes in the morning will ensure that you have the optimal levels of vitamin D in your system.

And you can never overdose on vitamin D from sunlight; your body will just stop absorbing it.

However, if you are not sure if you lack or have too much of this vitamin, talk to your physician and ask for a blood test to determine your vitamin D levels.

The generally accepted recommended blood levels of vitamin D are 50–70 nanograms per milliliter (ng/ml).

However, if you do need to supplement with vitamin D, at least make sure that you are using vitamin D3 (cholecalciferol) and NOT Vitamin D2 (ergocalciferol). Vitamin D3 is the same type of vitamin D as produced in our bodies in response to sunshine, while vitamin D2 is a synthetic form of vitamin D that is typically prescribed by doctors.

To find out how to unclog arteries without medication and reduce cholesterol fast, watch this video – How I Reversed 20 years of Arterial Plaque

These 3 exercises could help save your life by lowering your blood pressure. Click this link and say “good riddance” to high blood pressure…

Unclog Arteries Without Medication and Reduce Cholesterol Fast – Stop your high cholesterol dead in its tracks by cutting out this one common ingredient you didn’t even know you were consuming…

This post is from the Oxidized Cholesterol Strategy Program. It was created by Scott Davis. Because he once suffered from high cholesterol, so much so that he even had a severe heart attack. This is what essentially led him to finding healthier alternatives to conventional medication. Oxidized Cholesterol Strategy is a unique online program that provides you with all the information you need to regain control of your cholesterol levels and health, as a whole.

To find out more about this program, go to Unclog Arteries Without Medication and Reduce Cholesterol Fast.